It’s more than just a rock!

I’m sitting at my desk and I have to admit, I’m feeling…numb! It’s not that I’m feeling nothing, it’s more like when you feel too much and then you can’t feel anymore, so you’re numb, but totally aware!! I find that I’m most humble in this place, I get sick of the sound of my own voice. I notice my faults, weaknesses and mistakes…but it’s where I feel most like me. Here, in this place, I can see EVERYTHING!! It’s such a place of clarity for me, I’m not bogged down with emotion, because I’m past the RAW stage, where it hurts, now I can use it to make me stronger, I can lick my wounds, make changes and start again. This is what it must feel like to the forest after a fire…with the potential to grow again, brighter, stronger, higher…better 🙂 There is so much beauty in being humble and fragile!

I see the steps of where I’ve been and the path before me looks a little familiar, but my footsteps veer off into a high traffic area and that’s not where I want to go! I’ve been there, I’ve failed, I got up, tried something new, succeeded but felt empty, tried something new…you know how it goes. I know I’m getting all serious and usually I’m all laughs or I make you cry, but today I know that I need to do something different! Today, I live intentionally and as real as I humanly can! I LOVE photography! I LOVED being a photographer and while I’ll admit there were many things about it that I loathed…I feel like I can’t breathe without it!!

I believe that is where you have to get…get as far away from something that you love, walk away, free yourself from every camera, every lens, backdrop, photo book, etc. and then you can miss it, you can appreciate it and vow if it will let you come back, that you’ll be different this time. I want to come back!!! I have nothing, but an iPhone and a dream in my heart…but it’s somewhere to start!!  I want to be a professional photographer again…for real this time, no giving up, for better or worse!! But how…how do I get there???

This rock…this boring smooth stone…I took this, well actually I asked permission (can you believe that!!) from the desk clerk at the MGM Towers, I asked if I could have it from the waterfall in the lobby, waiting to come back home after my 1st time at WPPI 2011. I wanted to remember how AMAZING WPPI was and how WONDERFUL this photography community really is when you reach outside of my city, to where there are truly big name photographers that are nicer than some of the  local ones with half the talent!  I was on fire and I let it blow out. I still have this stone to remind me of what I felt I could do, of what I dreamed that I could create, of what I really felt…was real!! I’m ready to be real too 🙂 It’s a long way back…but I know all the roads, I’ll be taking a few different ones, the ones I was afraid to take…this time…it’s going to be BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Welcome back…Corinne Noel Photography 🙂

Mission #1 …going to need a camera…oh and probably one with a lens might be good 😉

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To be a Curse or a Blessing…

Most of my life I can remember my Mother telling me to help others before myself. I did that growing up and then found that there is a point where you give so much, that you have nothing  left to give, you are no longer healthy enough to help anyone. This is an area that most people have problems with. Yes, it’s great to help others & do nice things for them, but you have to make sure that you are healthy first! It took a 2 year period of classes at a Lifestyle Management Class in Dallas, Texas called Pathways, before I ever understood how to give & still hold onto some for myself.

There is a process that I went through that is called “Are you a giver or a taker?” This is all about giving to others, not out of personal reward & not out of selflessly trying to give help that you are not really able or should give. This is about giving help in a way that you are able to, keeping some for yourself & that when you do give, it feels good, you still are in one piece & everyone walks away a winner.

I’ve thought about blessings lately…I went to an awesome Ladies Retreat with Aletheia Tampa and although there were many things I learned, the biggest lightbulb moment for me was approaching each new day with the question of “Who can I bless today…How can I be a blessing?”  The question that I believe most people ask themselves toward the end of their lives is…Was I a curse or a blessing? What kind of legacy am I leaving behind? I’m hopefully not nearing my time of departure anytime soon, but why wait until you’re 90 when you could have changed your path at 30 or 40 years old & made a difference & left an amazing legacy for your children!

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? -Nichole Nordeman

Here is my challenge to you…if you know me…ever met me, talked to me online or in the real world…if you are from my past or still in my present…I want to hear from you! I want you to be honest…have I been a blessing, did I choose the high road, or was I less than a blessing and more of a curse? If so, then tell me what I did to bless or curse you…so I may apologize & do my best to now be a blessing to you. Why wait until the end of your life to question if you loved enough, gave back enough, was a good friend or a horrible friend? I want to be a blessing…please let me be…

Corinne Noel †

The Hopes and Prayers of a Single Mom

I still remember the moment he left, the moment I knew I was on my own. I remember how I felt, first I felt abandoned, then I felt anger & then at the core of it all…FEAR that cripples even the strongest of people. My fear…raising two boys on my own. Now, I was fortunate to have some child support & the fact that their Dad was still local so they still had him in their life. There are hours of things that I could write about that would anger even Mother Theresa, but that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m here to talk about the victory, the end result, after all the bad…the bright shiny ending 🙂

See, I was a single Mom for 7 years with two amazingly wonderful boys! I’ve since remarried about 3 years ago, but again, this isn’t what this story about. This story is about the single Mom & how she hope & prays every free moment, that she loved those kids enough & that they won’t miss the other parent. They pray that they give them enough & that their kids don’t want for anything. Single Moms work sometimes 2 & 3 jobs to provide for their kids & so they have the best that they can give them. Single Moms worry about their kids sometimes to the point of being ill & they love them until their hearts burst!

We hope that we taught them enough, loved them enough, prepared them enough & was there enough, even though we know we couldn’t be & it wasn’t a matter of choice like with other parents. I think we hold our breaths until they graduate from High School, because there has been so much put into them to get them this far. Now after hanging onto our kids for dear life…we have to learn to let go…let them spread their wings and fly…watch the beautiful sight of them making a life of their own & smiling when you know that you had everything to do with it! Well…you & God, but He was the one that entrusted you to carry this life until he could walk on his own & love him until your own breath was gone.

This photo is one of my friends Latoya & her son Kenny. She is an amazing single Mom 🙂 She has raised a wonderful young man & soon he will graduate and head off to the Army! I love that I was able to capture this moment last week, where she can rest her head on his shoulder for a change. Latoya…your prayers have come true & your wishes come true 🙂 He’s a good man! Just like we all hope they will be…so breathe…smile & know that someone appreciates all of your hard work & is so proud of you! Love you…you did it!

Corinne Noel †

Do I really know who is staring back at me…

Today I caught the end of a movie called ” Mona Lisa Smile” it’s a great movie &  I was thinking “Thank Goodness we are not stuck in that time!” It made me happy to think that we have come so much further than that as women, that we aren’t just preparing ourselves to be married…leaving all dreams & accomplishments behind like they did in the 50s. Then, I thought about a part in the movie that really hit something deep inside. They are showing a photo in a book of the Mona Lisa and saying that her smile was just for the surface & that inside she really was something truly different. They were realizing that even after all those years, they were still hiding behind smiles, when they were falling apart inside.

I realize that although we have come so far with women’s rights & also as a civilization, but we still are not honest enough with ourselves to own our feelings, our thoughts…our mistakes.  What is so wrong with being honest, being humble, being vulnerable? If you’re sad, be sad! If you’re scared, it’s okay to be that too! If your business is tanking or your marriage is less than perfect, why pretend?!  This happens in the Photography business everyday & it spreads like poison! People lie about their bookings, lie about how “GREAT” they are doing and how much money they make. They lie about what they know & don’t…bottom line…nobody wins! I know, because I fell into the “fake it until you make it” line of business.

I’d like to start a new trend “Being real is hard, but it’s not impossible!” How about I’ve been full-time for a year & I haven’t made enough money this year to pay for my business expenses. I have had more opportunities in front of me that I have failed to take advantage of & I had it within my ability to do more…I just didn’t!

Bottom line…I want to look into the mirror & really know that person staring back at me, I want the outside to match the inside! I want to be real…don’t you want to be too!

Corinne Noel †